in front of me is the breakfast prepared by mike. this needs proper documentation as it's the first breakfast he prepared for us.haha :) 

yesterday pumunta kami ni ate tere sa cafe will, na ginagawa namin halos every weekend para matapos na ang thesis nila ng groupmates niya. so kahapon akala ko magkikita kami ni mike nang maaga, na hindi naman nangyari kasi di nanaman siya nagising before lunch. went to marcia's while waiting for him. marcia's tita was having her nails done by the time i got there at una niyang tanong, "oh nasan si mike?" everyone nowadays seems to think i have him tracked with gps. 

tinatamad na akong magkwento. so bale nung dumating siya, nagshot kami, pumunta sa show ni simone sa brent, bumalik kina marcia, at pumunta concoctions. here are some pics from last night

simone and the seven shots of jack daniels

marcia darcey tory stephen me and mike :)

our first couple pic ever hahahaha :)

finally, after weeks of bliss, alam ko na kung ano ang status namin. ms merryl asked yesterday during a 10min smoking break with other officemates kung ano kami. didnt know if i was supposed to say anything. i let him talk (if he was to give a statement,), takot din kasi ako na may sabihin ako na para lang pala sakin totoo. sabi niya na lang, "exclusively dating" :)

***
23:58 update
mike has brown eyes and big hands. he's 8 years my senior. i like listening to his heartbeat. i love every single time we're together, when he squeezes my hands and kisses my forehead. i can listen to everything he says and feel special because i earned finally the right to be there, with him, no one and nothing else between us. last night as we were talking before going to bed i felt like crying and i didnt know why. but because i was scared that he might think he'd done something wrong i held back and uh, felt sleep sinking in.. maybe because everything seems to be perfect, and you feel that everything youve done before that led you to this particular now is finally making sense. i could live like this. im wishing so badly that he never gets bored of me. uhhhhhh... i think i have to sleep now. hahahahaha. a new week awaits me. sana weekend na.

San Juan, summer.

it's weekend. am supposed to be taking an exam now but because i left mum's id at home yesterday, the people at the dean's wouldn't process the special exam form. while waiting at the corner of a small computer cafe for ate tere to show up, im trying to finally make up my mind. am always tired lately. my body's giving up. hahahaha. so. plans for today are go to cafe will with ate tere, meet mike later, and watch a jekyll and hyde musical at brent. nothing much.

posted something stupid earlier and deleted it. miss mike right now. tulad nga ng sabi niya, it really feels like being in high school. wish i could fill you in but uhh later. :)

class in 3 hours. dont feel like sleeping anymore


UPDATE
30mins before class
i feel like a robot. my facial muscles hurt whenever i try to smile

it's like we have this unspoken bond to at least share two days a week with each other. he is my daily dose of eustress. i wouldnt mind crappy cab drivers, or if im late for work.. lalo na ngayon magkashift na kami hahaha :)

we drank at marcia's last sunday night. mike came over in the afternoon to fix my pc when she texted, at parang nagiging tradisyon na rin na to booze on weekends with marcia. 

crap. it's almost 5. have to sleep now. will continue this later. 

am going out now for cigs. booze later with a bunch of friends. lately everything seems to be too smooth-flowing. though i could be more prudent in... stuff. i dont even know how i got here, how now i can just say 'ok' to everything without really whining and thinking about consequences. am like a passive hedonist.. but theres nothing wrong with just doing what i want, right? wait need to go now.

"i'm wearing the smile you gave me."

ding dong. asan naman daw ang effort ko in keeping it casual? but yes, i had dinner tonight. i have no exams today. do no intend on going out earlier than 16.00.

***

thoughts piled up during those last two draggy hours at work and now cant recall them at all. which is good, lest my blog turns into a love letter for a pseudo uhhhh anyway. too tired. miss hugs. 

this one's about sushi.

"there is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
there is a rapture on the lonely shore."

-- byron

well exams week. wont rant, i promise. partly because i had an a-ok weekend, and mostly because i dont really care what happens now. when you get lost in a situation the best thing to do is just to, cliche cliche, relax and enjoy the scenery.. and scenery is looking good. i do it rather well, getting lost and stuff. how about you?

i like this one line "the fog is like a cage without a key." pretty, huh? i always write it in my diary, which has been totally neglected since i started working. you see, getting a job has really made life intricate for me. but that's the thing, you do something new once in a while and move on. what is she talking about? im getting there, hold on.

it's not easy but complicated it is not either.

it's just that i'm rediscovering something i know i've already felt before but too vague now to be coined in a word. or in a sentence. or in a whole senseless entry of someone who has never been good with words.

maybe im not even supposed to be explaining myself.

not really, no.

so.. i've been like this for days it's driving me cuckoo. but then i like it. and i don't want things to change. not yet. i've been trying to squeeze every detail in those drunken hours of thought i spent with someone. a person, not a god, a separate universe, a system that is now in my system.

fuckety fuck im so hungry

i cant wait to leave this house.

i will never ever drink 2 gallons of coffee in a day again

watching this cursor blinking. 

i cannot expect myself to be powerful enough to be in control of the most unexpected situations. may ganun bang tao? it's a weakness that squires my search for new places and people. it's a longing for that dormant excitement, and the welcome fear of letting go. i know i dont make sense, but you know, surely, that that, above all, is what makes me discreetly happy. yes, not making sense. and yes, letting go.

sigh, sigh, sigh.

ohfck, umaga na. mum thinks im on pills kasi di na daw ako natutulog. is weird to have her here, really. i now have a year's supply of centrum. my android cells in folly, yahoo yehey kvetch.

it felt like waking up just to realize you missed your exam, but no - i don't have anywhere to go until 13.30. just being here alone in the apartment makes me feel uneasy and unstable. as if i lived with complete strangers. hahaha. i remember telling a friend that i've never liked any of the houses/apartments we've lived in. there'd always be something i particularly hate about them - the shade of the walls, the size of the windows, the width of the staircase, the position of the doors.

***

i had fried (wrinkled) chicken just now. i wish i had better things to tell you all aside from what i haD for breakfast or if i eat anything at all these days. like if im dating anybody, or whats interesting about work. or how i plan to spend the weekend. insights on life, death, vice ganda. hahaha. 

yosi break nao. need to live.

thanks to a friend's query, this blog shall be updated religiously, regularly, satisfactorily. i'm mabait like that haha. i miss my people. folks, i has works now, hokey? am free on weekends. we can park and shot all we can, or tambay sa cafe will or volante, or manood ng movies, or just chitchat about the best moments of our lives anytime, multitasking naman ako. but not on weekdays, no. i don't wanna go to school anymore. nothing thrilling about green blackboards or elbow-rubbing people i don't know. i can't remember when was the last time i ate a decent meal. even food lost its appeal. i feel like an android running on coffee and yakult.

boring stuff, y'all.

ok now, i do have an update. like a real real update. i think uh... <3

that would be all for now. if i get lucky then will take this blog seriously.

on sunday juvenile decisions

cold feet, cold sheets.

the moment you instantly get a cab after your last class, no traffic along the way, no rain, and arrive 9 minutes earlier than your calltime at work: happiness in 10 minutes.

and no fever! hooooorrrraaaaaahhhhh

walang bago, i am still sick. may intensyon ba akong lubayan ng sakit ko? nagdududa na ako sa bisa ng mga gamot na binibili ni mama. pati yung mga pinya na kinakain ko, baka peke. asan na si vitamin C? but i had to wake up early to write lorraine's paper on Troy. gumana ka muna, utak.

been sick since friday. everybody's busy. gahd. i seem to be having problems in managing weekends because either am shitfaced drunk stupid on saturday nights or i spend the days doing nothing. i cant say am content with life though everything's turning out as expected. uh, obviously not everything. feel that is because i'm never settled with anything. how's work? they'd ask. to which i'd reply, is fine, today we blablablablabla...