sometimes it's awkward to mingle with new people. whether they're nice or pretending to be or not is totally out of the question. sometimes, it's just your wet shoes and cold feet. of course.

it's a sunday morning. very important to stress on what day it is because it's been raining for days, nakakabaliw na. even in my dreams it's raining. or flooding. last night i dreamt i had to swim to reach my cellphone, the one i lost many months ago, only that it was much bigger now and angry at me. funny thing is, i don't know how to swim. in my dream though i did swim across a lake that kept on expanding with every step i'd take. step, because when it came to crossing the lake, my legs grew longer and my feet could touch the floor. then everything was being ridiculous, like people gathered around to watch, the cellphone was mocking me, and the water became first pink then black, so i realized i was in a dream and woke up.

***

exams this week. i hope it stops raining already so i can go out buy me some cigs.





update. and go out i did. cigs check, pizza check, help ate tere with her research check, review lorraine in math for her upcat exam check, download ebooks check, talk to angel check. fuckyeah.

i will be missing my bed if things go right, but then i could as well say that we don't share an intimate relationship.. am not making sense, as usual, but being the self i am is the only way am allowed to function. so if you were to ask me why i chose the shift i'll be having you'd expect uhh a blank stare, or a blank stare. or.. haha.

can't sleep is all.

to sum up my weekend, sabado bumaba kami la union. also, my dad's birthday. sunday was father's day (still fatherless) and my parents' 24th anniversary. monday no classes (rizal's 150th birthday, v. important day to rizal apparently) and came back to windy baguio. lorraine and i bought roses for mama.

i forgot to take a picture of her with the flowers tho.

lola's first death anniversary today.

really rough day.

hello. have you had breakfast already? ako di pa. instead, i'm reading the history of bpi - the bank of the philippine islands. i don't know what to say now, which is what always happens when i begin a paragraph here. i deactivated my facebook account. less contact. feels so safe.

ps: no hate-entry about you here. this isn't about you. enjoy this one line.

feels like high school really. no absences, takot ma-late. i like the semester because at last i have a math subject. haha. im in my apartment, alone, waiting for paty but already had dinner. umuwi ako agad-agad to review. feel very diligent. :)) training tomorrow

snotty remark from a friend, "ewww. you dont have a life." but it's always fun to do something new and exciting. (:

i have a feeling i'll be seeing my dad soon.

i think it's good to go out
coz if you don't you'll never make a memory that will stay
i think that you should wake up
i think i want to live my life and you're just in my way

i woke up real early today because i didn't want this semester to be like others and i'd arrive late on the very first day of class. but i was sleepy the whole day. classmates were nice, teachers were nice, weather was nice. very nice day. couldn't help but doodle to save my own life. too much niceties are deadly.

note the tallies haha!

i draw like a gradeschooler

 i like my mwf schedule coz i don't have time to bum around though i was worried the whole day because i wasn't able to attend training. should i really really worry? my resume, after all, gave a clear warning on my schedule for this semester. (haha kideeeeng) i'd be able to attend work, if they hire me, pero yung training... :( will definitely go tomorrow. done with homework. hearing nothing but cream puff (our hamster) and the rustle of the plastic bag my sister paty strategically put beneath cream puff's cage. homaygaaaaaad cream puff go to sleep already

grouchy

today didn't go as i'd hoped. i woke up quite early and couldn't go back to sleep, so i cooked me some bacon and rice for breakfast, organized my files before having the CPU formatted tomorrow, and proceeded to watch cable shows. am in desperate need of inspiration for my binder notebook. am one of those people who, like pupils, need to have their favorite comic book character printed on their notebooks, nice pens, a complete set of uhh pencils to get the school vibe on. and that is the tiny concern of the day. apartment has been desolated. for a while i couldn't breathe and felt like i'd have a heart attack. class begins at 8.30.. yayyyyyy <3 also, that time of the month is coming. i hope my classmates are nice. just realized that i whine like barney. not the big purple dinosaur. huh.

sem-opener rituals

beer today and rest tomorrow. please let me sleep the whole day tomorrow.

CLEAR WARNING

If your initials are ***, 
FUCKING FUCK OFF MY FUCKING PAGE

week report

From now on, my decisions will depend solely on the one engagement I've made with rocket science. :)

Para sa mga nakakakilala sakin at nagbabasa ng blog ko (THANK YOU!), nagawa ko na ang resume na lagi kong binabanggit sa mga posts ko dito. At sinubmit ko na din nung Tuesday night. Pagkasubmit ko ng resume kinabahan na ako ng sobra. HAHAHA. I couldn't sleep. I was surprised to receive a call the day after kasi wala nga akong kaalam-alam sa paghahanap ng trabaho and thought na mga ilang araw o linggo ang aabutin bago makarinig mula sakanila. Thursday yung interview. So after the call I met with Phoebe at Volante para mailabas ko ang nerbyos. Also, I half mindedly told my mom about it pero mukhang natutuwa naman siya na nag-eeffort na ako na mas magseryoso. :) Thursday she didn't come with me but it was fine because she kept on texting me while I was there. Sana tuloy-tuloy na.

My dad used to be a working student in college up till law school. Pati rin si mama. Kaya supportive sila sakin though andun pa rin ang Anak di mo naman kailangan magtrabaho o kaya You should know your priorities and Hindi biro ang magtrabaho. But I'm 20, and I still live with my parents. Next year pa ako gragraduate and I'm growing impatient. Kaya ngayon na may pagkakataon na akong magtrabaho, gusto ko  maging maayos na ang lahat. Be happy, 'lam mo yun. And I am happy now, kasi alam kong may paghihirapan na ako. Bagong karanasan. :)

Gusto kong lumabas at pumunta Volante. Ni kahit 3-in-1 wala kami dito ngayon.

Went to 7-11, had ice cream.

De, di ako nagshe-share. :))))

K goodnight folks.

8th birthday

Kevin, *, Kathriz, Kuya DJ (Milano, 1998)

this is maya

once upon a time = last last sem on a rainy rainy boring day. uh, bmgmnt4. haha (halata na readings sa good governance ang pinagguhitan ko)

school zone

malapit nanaman ang pasukan

Caco Neves

Official website

mag-isa sa bahay, nagpapaka-ate

one of my favorite pictures of me and my sister

so. so. mom found out, because i showed her. sabi nga nila, mas ok ang magsabi ng totoo na ikagagalit ng ibang tao kesa magtago at mastroke sa nerbyos at takot. hindi pa rin umuuwi si papa, at nagtataka na ako kung bakit kailangan ang mga pasurpresang pag-uwi kung pwede naman ipaalam na lang para wag akong linis ng linis ng kwarto.

walang bago.

at di pa rin umuuwi ng apartment si lorraine. kami lang dalawa ang nandito baguio.

wala kaming pictures ni lorraine na katulad netong kasama ko si paty.

enrolled!

sa wakas, after 3 days of torture na kontrolin ang init ng ulo - hindi masyado sa pagpila dahil normal lang yun - may nakuha na din akong 8 subjects. ang balita, kaya palpak ang online enrolment system ay dahil 1) hindi DAW binayaran ng UB ang programmer ng maayos kaya nagquit, or 2) maraming errors sa codes kaya di na siya binayaran ng UB. adding on monday para masulit na 27 units. hinahabol namin ni perry ang third year subjects para makapag-ojt kami sa singapore sa fourth year. :) kung makapag-add ako ng last subject sa monday i hope its schedule is for mwf. 

mamaya lalabas ako para magpa-id picture. for the resume. antagal ko ng binabanggit ang resume pero di ko pa rin tapos tapos. naenlighten ako nung nakita ko ang link ng isang contact sa facebook of the EPIC COVER LETTER

so... V. inspiring. if i'm gonna do this i have to do it right.
more or less a week before school. papa's coming home next week i think, and the end of the world pag hinigop na ang solar system ng blackhole. hahahaha.

bsheng bsheng bsheng

"So many words get lost. They leave the mouth and lose their courage, wandering aimlessly until they are swept into the gutter like dead leaves. On rainy days, you can hear their chorus rushing past: IwasabeautifulgirlPleasedon’tgoItoobelievemybodyismadeofglass-I’veneverlovedanyoneIthinkofmyselfasfunnyForgiveme…. 

There was a time when it wasn’t uncommon to use a piece of string to guide words that otherwise might falter on the way to their destinations. Shy people carried a little bunch of string in their pockets, but people considered loudmouths had no less need for it, since those used to being overheard by everyone were often at a loss for how to make themselves heard by someone. The physical distance between two people using a string was often small; sometimes the smaller the distance, the greater the need for the string. 

The practice of attaching cups to the ends of string came much later. Some say it is related to the irrepressible urge to press shells to our ears, to hear the still-surviving echo of the world’s first expression. Others say it was started by a man who held the end of a string that was unraveled across the ocean by a girl who left for America. 

When the world grew bigger, and there wasn’t enough string to keep the things people wanted to say from disappearing into the vastness, the telephone was invented. 

Sometimes no length of string is long enough to say the thing that needs to be said. In such cases all the string can do, in whatever its form, is conduct a person’s silence." 

— Nicole Krauss (The History of Love)


Rereading my favorite book just because I need some sanity to fill my head. Right now. And you, and us, not helping nor working. I can't deal with this.

glad i am to let you know that

i loved the weekend. partly because i got to see arvie and some other people again, and because i made up my mind (finally!) on some important things. and basically because of a long due mani-pedi hahahaha. so i was thinking that maybe this week i'll finally pass that resume ive been editing for weeks and ill just see what happens and live with the consequences of my misbehavior these past years. tomorrow will be our enrollment and i havent told my mom and dad that im going to shift to financial management.. but im so excited!!!! i sort of made a 5-year plan of things i want to do and hopefully ill be strong enough (haha) to make them all happen. no insights here. :) will keep you interested people updated.

Kazumi

Wala na, di ko na talaga siya magamit. Sana makabili ako ng replacement soon, pero parang ayoko na. Andami na namin napagdaanan. Dun pa rin siya nakalagay sa loob ng bag na binili ko para sa kanya, na nakalapag ngayon sa mesa sa tabi ng kama. Maghihintay ng alikabok.